Why Reincarnating as a Human is Like Being Given a Second Chance to Watch the Same Bad Movie

Lights, Camera, Illusion!

So you croaked. Curtains down, end credits roll. You find yourself pondering the age-old philosophical conundrum:

“After death, would you like to be born as a human again?”

Let me save you the agony. Heck no. Why?

Gather ‘round kids, Uncle Thomas got a fireside yarn to spin.

First Take: Deja Vu or Deja Screwed?

Here’s the gag: Rebirth is a sequel, and sequels are usually terrible.

They’re just retreads of the original, but with less soul and more CGI. Consider Socrates. Guy gets sentenced to death for “corrupting the youth,” guzzles some hemlock, and bows out. Imagine him reincarnated, back to square one, teaching philosophy on YouTube.

He’d probably get canceled faster than you can say “Socratic method.”

Point to Ponder: Socrates, but with hashtags. Just let that sink in.

Second Take: Groundhog Life

Remember Bill Murray in Groundhog Day?

Wakes up to the same song, same town, same everything — every damn day. That’s rebirth. You get back, but the script’s stale. The universe hands you an ice-cold can of sameness, but now…